Karma and Come-Uppance

I have never defined myself by what I do for a living. Family and friends have always come first and work was a means to afford the life that I want. When the work day is over, I do not give work another thought until the next day.
Despite this, I like to go to work.  I think everyone needs a purpose.  Not only that, I love socializing and dressing up every day! -:)
I have to admit that I judge others who don't work.  I do get tired of hearing how people on AISH, WCB or welfare don't have enough to live on, are marginalized etc... My position has always been that no one is ever too disabled not to work in some capacity. In the back of my mind, I've often wondered if my scorn is a result of my fear. I have always been afraid of becoming like those "disabled" people. I only want to rely on me.
Fate can be crazy sometime. In the past few months I have begun to deteriorate quite rapidly. I am sad (and VERY ashamed!) to say that my body is refusing to cooperate and I'm finding myself at home more often than I am at work. Have I given up?  Hell to the NO!!!! I will consult with my neurologist and any other people in the know on how to get ahead of this and get back on track.
The fear remains that I won't get past this and somehow I will need to adjust to new limitations. Although I do not define myself by work, I can't imagine my life without it. How will I fill my time and where on earth will I wear all of my clothes? Tim and my friends encourage me to focus on enjoying life if this happens.  Their advice is to volunteer with causes that mean the most to me, to take time to take care of myself and to focus on what's important. I hope it doesn't come to this.  Despite the fact that my job is pretty thankless, I will feel totally useless without it. Sure I can and will follow the kind advice of loved ones if my health continues to deteriorate, but I will be ashamed. Sadly, this shame and self-loathing will be compounded by the family member who sees me as an obese embarrassment and who always finds ways to blame me for everything bad that happens to me.  
I am afraid of what the future brings and I hate uncertainty.  Today I am focused on keeping my eye on the prize and beating this bitch before it beats me!
xoxo