Self Pity :)

I hate to be negative, but this has truly been the worst year of my life.  I'm sitting in front of my fireplace watching my 2 beautiful dogs rest peacefully side by side. 
I was fine when I woke up this morning, not happy, but fine. I've become used to wasted days at home waiting for my body and my depressed mind to wake up so I can resume the life that I miss terribly. It then occured to me that as a result of my exile at home, I have not done the things that mean so much to me over the holiday season. I have yet to enjoy a glass of wine and a laugh with any of my dear friends. The friends that I am so afraid to lose as I am no longer interesting. Due to my lack of participation in the outside world, I have nothing to contribute. Sure I can tell you about the failure of my body and mind, but that's hardly interesting.
I have a coworker who feels compelled to remind me of how jealous of me she is.  Not for reasons that I would appreciate, but rather the failure of my body. She informs me that she is jealous that I no longer work full time. Despite my protest that this is a horrible fate, she persists.
Eventhough my job does not define me, I'm lost without it. I long to be a productive and engaged member of society again.  I fear that even with my best laid plans my present will become my fate.
I will admit that I am awash in self-pity and self-loathing. The walls are closing in and all I want is my freedom returned.